Why You Are Stuck in the Negatives of Your Relationship

 

    Healthy relationships take work. We all know that. But they offer so many rewards that it makes the work totally worth the effort. If it didn’t, why would we bother? It’s way easier to act out or listen to old mindsets than it is to work toward actual change and personal growth.

 

    We found that there is inner peace to be found through soul searching. Facing inner turmoil and angst provided much needed relief from the pressures that had built up inside us - pressures that had pushed us toward addictive and codependent behaviors in the first place. But it’s not easy to change habits that we have built over years.

 

    Here are the three big reasons you are having a hard time changing how you conduct yourself with your loved one.

    

  1. It’s familiar. As we said, you are following habitual patterns that you spent years putting in place. Who can blame you for continuing to do so? But the old saying goes “familiarity breeds contempt”. It also breeds boredom. Neither of these are feelings you want to associate with you relationship with your loved one.

  2. Your partner is doing the same. He/she may not even realize they have fallen into old habits or that they are even prone to following bad habits at all. But if they are, it is very easy to do the same, whether consciously or unconsciously. Have the two of you ever taken the time to - lovingly - look at your relationship to see where stumbling blocks in communication occur regularly?

  3. It’s easy. Perhaps you have been with your partner long enough that you basically put your input on auto-pilot, which requires little or no work and little or no thought. This behavior is understandable after a hard day at work or one filled with challenges, but it does nothing to create a healthy relationship. You need to put forth effort - not every moment of every day - but on a regular and consistent basis.  

 

    So how do we reconnect when distance and complacency has become so ingrained in us? As with everything else, the awareness is a huge component. But then it takes the effort of both partners to change, to shift, to mix things up in order to move towards the positive aspects of the relationship. This can be fun and exciting and we can move away from the blame games and into mysterious reconnection with one another.

     Use what you know about the person you love. Connect with them in respects to the things they love, even if you don’t. When this goes both ways there is a very solid balance that occurs. This balance keeps us from learning too much to the negative, but like we said before, let’s be real, the boat needs to rock to keep us on our toes, to keep us growing and flourishing. Just keep your eyes open!

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